Say What?

What is the most ridiculous wine description you’ve ever heard?

"Tennis ball and garden hose have become well-known memes from Ian Cauble’s descriptions in the movie SOMM.”
Michael Noel, Noel Family Vineyard

"Hot dog water." Joe Wright, Left Coast Cellars

"I hate the descriptor gooseberries. What percentage of Americans actually knows what a gooseberry is, let alone what it tastes or smells like?" Brian Patterson, Left Coast Cellars

"Hint of synthetic goat hair and WD-40." Blane Hansen, Northwest Fresh Seafood

"The inside of a woman’s glove as given by André Tchelistcheff at a tasting I had the pleasure of attending some 20 years ago. He had a bit of a reputation for being a ladies’ man, even then, when he was in his 90s; that may have had something to do with the use of this descriptor. The potential variety of aromas emanating from the innumerable combinations of women and the insides of their gloves is just too great to be useful as a wine bouquet descriptor." Dennis Sienko, Bend Wine Cellar

"Horse’s hoof. Pretty bizarre!" Angela Jaquette, Silvan Ridge Winery

"Heard a “wine expert” at a roundtable tasting describe an unfinished Merlot as having the aroma of a dirty aquarium. Have to admit it was pretty close but a first for a Merlot aroma. A husband of a tasting room visitor — who just didn’t like wine at all — said that the Pinot Gris he was tasting smelled like old T-shirt shop rags. Guess it pretty well covered his own aroma and his attitude." Laura Lotspeich, Trium Wine/Pheasant Hill Vineyard

"A warm cozy fireplace." Allison Whiteside, Bella Vida

"We have a reviewer here in Washington who loves to describe wines as wafting hints of pencil lead. Of course, being the avid explorer, I sought out a fresh No. 2, and proceeded to nearly shove it in a nostril. Needless to say, I neither smelled nor tasted anything I have ever experienced in wine." Rachael Horn, AniChe Cellars